Wednesday 14 July 1976

School  1955's
High School for Girls, Bridlington now derelict.



best friend Theresa Urbainczyk 17 year old










An ordinary day today – not that any day is really boring at school, because there is always Benny and the crowd. Our ‘gang’ ranges from the insane but genius Benny to the quiet, retiring Dave G. For the typical rustic fool there is Trevor B well, coming from Hunmanby what can you expect? Dave S can be quiet at times but normally he’s a bit of a loony. Chris M the same, but his exaggerated arrogance often proves a great source of communal amusement. Chris H ’s energy of thought is revealed by the rapidly exuberant way of speech.
They are a good crowd – Steve’s in France and I think we all miss him (I am the only one who dare say it openly, the others usually qualify it with a ‘ yes, he’s good to poke fun at’)

They can as soon turn to a debate about political economy, art or the human being as prat about in front of a camera - as this book bears witness! *
*This is simply not true! They never discuss anything to do with Life.

Monday 12 July 1976 Platonic

Went round to Sue’s place after school. The history trip to Kirkham Priory and beyond was superb and I was still in a frame of mind for taking pictures. Sue was not keen on the idea of herself being photographed, so we went for a walk.

She said that our relationship was not Platonic enough for her liking. This caught me out because at first I had stressed the purely non-physical side of our relationship. She’s right, I can see, but sometimes it can be very hard to live up to one’s ideals. I hope our status as very close friends will not be affected as a result – it will not, I am sure...or did she just say that because she has inhibitions about sex? The first interesting ‘problem’ of our relationship.

Friday 9 July 1976 suffer

Didn’t see Susan in the evening – I would have like to, but I don’t want our relationship to suffer because of over-exposure....sounds like camera pedantry, I know, but the phrase is appropriate.

I still can only describe my feeling for her as a sort of assuring and comforting glow deep down somewhere, or to put it the other way there is the absence of the dull empty feeling. She is refined and intelligent which holds great attraction for me. She is sort of sugary and possesses a degree of naivety that keeps me interested; cuddly in both physical and mental sense.

Thursday 8 July 1976 (her father’s).

Made my decision known to Sue, my friends and anyone else of importance. It is for the greater good.

Went out with Sue for a short while in the evening, after which we came home, ostensibly to watch television. Very strange, but I do find her stimulating in other than intellectual ways – something I’ve never felt with a great deal of the girls with whom I have had a more physical relationship. We are still friends, our common intellectual pursuits ensuring this, The body is good, but at the moment is secondary.

Went out with her parents in the evening for a birthday meal (her father’s). Another good side to our relationship is how well her parents are treating and accepting me. When one considers that it was meant to be a quiet family celebration, it was a great honour for me to be invited. Susan is pleasant, not beautiful in the sense of pretty, but beautiful in everything that lies beneath her unassuming surface.

Wednesday 7 July 1976 Eng Lit.

By the close of today, I was in the final stages of deciding whether to work at all during this summer. There are, of course, disadvantages, the most obvious of which would be lack of money. But what is money when you compare your own future career to a few weeks of (relative) affluence? I must make the sacrifice; I’ve got £30 saved already and have another £16 to come. My studies will improve immensely as a result and I’ll have enough knowledge on Eng Lit. 1300 to present day to be able to enter my entrance exam with confidence. The sacrifice must be made. I will become healthier because I plan to do plenty of physical work around the house! I have a chesty cough already, which seems to clear up towards the end of the week then at (and following) the week-end, it is back. My health would be damaged.

Tuesday 6 July 1976 Bernard Shaw,

The school event, or as I usually say, non event of the year today; sports day.

I enjoyed myself mainly because I had a whole afternoon with Bernard Shaw, in the sun. Sounds homosexual but his plays are very attractive. Having read ‘Caesar and Cleopatra’ I moved on to ‘Man and Superman’ which is said to contain most of the mainstays of Shaw’s philosophy in life.

Took Sue to see ‘Tommy’ and he certainly didn’t ‘tear my soul apart’ It sagged a little in the middle and I only wished that the film had remained consistent; the beginning was excellent.

J’ai appris que Sue a une poitrine belle – ses mamelles sont si rondes et soupesables.

Learned that there is a job going that merely involves wandering around town with a camera. Low pay (c£15) and even that’s not guaranteed. I think I might apply for it, anything would be a change from the hole.

Monday 5 July 1976 emotion

Very nice to get away from the Hell, God knows how I’m going to last the whole summer holidays down in that hole.

Went round to Sue’s house in the evening, then we walked to Dane’s Dyke. I had been quite looking forward to seeing her, especially after being in that hole. Very pleasant walk, despite the holiday makers. Our relationship moved a little further from the purely platonic ideal, but that’s predictable. I feel no violent extremes of emotion, not even a sort of self-created emotional enthusiasm that I sometimes found in the past. I feel a sense of warmness, or rather the absence of any sorts of gnawing feeling inside, that sometimes comes upon me when I’m alone at night, which leaves a dull emptiness as if there were something not quite right.

Sunday 4 July 1976

Could have gone to see her in the evening, but I was in such a physically objectionable \state that I could do little before having a bath. Too late, but come tomorrow!!

3.7.1976 hole

(Uncle) Trev, brother Phill
and Grandad

A two day sentence to Hell was mitigated a little by an extra pair of hands. To some extent, today was the first time that I experienced the unity of hardships shared amongst men (but a hardship shared is not a .....) .

Numbness; shellshock? Heat; jungle? Aching; marching? Customers; the Hun? The till; weapon? The fryer; Trenches?

She said she might have gone to the cinema tonight, but wasn’t there when they turned out. Little disappointment, only a wish unfulfilled.